The Love that Remains

“I knew that one day I would take care of her but I didn’t know that day would come so soon. 

She didn’t want to have to be cared for; she was used to caring for me.  She was so giving with her love and affection and there came a time when she couldn’t even show that. 

So many times I have heard of this one day at a time way of looking at life.  But one day at a time can feel like a knife to the gut, slowly turning, when you have to watch a loved one die. 

I thought I knew grief until I lost her. 

I have asked why so many times, even though she has been gone for some time. 

Sometimes I get an answer, sometimes I have my feelings to sit with. 

The best thing I have learned to do when the unanswered why comes yet again, is carry her love out into the world. 

And that must count for something–perhaps something bigger than I will ever know.”

Shared with permission. Names and identifying details may be changed.

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Even in the mud, something is beginning.