I Felt Loved

“Hey, Punkin’!”

I don’t know how many times my mom greeted me this way in my life. It would eventually become a greeting that I would miss, as she is no longer here to say it anymore. I heard it so many times, I never considered there would be a time I wouldn’t hear it. It rolled off her tongue as simply and as smoothly as “hello” and like some of the other casual pet names she used, it literally felt like a part of who I was.

I want to say now, “Hey mom, why did you call me Punkin’? Was it because someone you loved greeted you this way? Was it because you loved pumpkin pie? Was it because I reminded you of a big round delicious pumpkin when I was a baby?” Whatever the reason, it made me feel like I was as sweet as pumpkin pie.

My mom was the epitome of unconditional love. Her love was simple and I think that’s what made it so easy. It was always the same toward me, no matter how she was feeling or what happened that day. You could feel it in her eyes. She always believed in me and said she was proud of me. Even when I didn’t believe in myself. I remember when I was a young adult, I got a new job. It was a job that came after a stretch of not having one and it was one I wasn’t particularly excited about. She said, “I am so proud of you!!!” And I was like man, how could this be if it’s really not that great?! That would happen many times and I was usually scratching my head over it. I eventually realized that it didn’t matter what I did. Just by living, she was proud. 

To know her was to feel loved by her. The unconditional love and endearment toward me as her child colored much of my life more than I realized until we lost her. I feel the same tenderness and endearment with my children. Perhaps all mothers do. But I try to remember the importance of sharing that with them. Open, without borders. unconditional. Now, when I think about all of this, I see so much more clearly how powerful this one quality about her was. And how powerful this little pet name, Punkin, really is.